Sparks of Magic

Goals

To the Fools Who Dream

Thoughts, LifestyleCamilleComment
 

As we've closed the door to 2016 and ushered in newness, hope, and excitement for the year of 2017, like most I like to reflect on what transpired and how it has made me a better person because of it, good or bad.

Family Life

We had ups and downs. We laughed a lot. I cried a lot. We've fought. We've also racked up hospital visits from Lodi to Sacramento for both our daughter and my mom in law. We are grateful that both of them are with us and have their health. We traveled hundreds of miles roundtrip to experience Disney magic and visit with family and friends in Southern CA. We witnessed family members become one through marriage. We went on hot dates. Jeff and I have been married for 16 years, together for 17. We seriously thought I was pregnant for almost twelve hours last year... They were the second-longest twelve hours of my life.

The first longest twelve + hours was my labor with our eldest, who is now SIXTEEN. Repeat, we have a sixteen year old. On top of that, we officially now have THREE teenage daughters (13, 14 & 16). God help Jeff and the boys cause someone is always PMS-ing. LOL. Our final baby is in double digits. Our girls have signed up for PSATS. They still fight like cats and dogs. But they all have hearts of gold, even if they are sassy as hell.

Most importantly, at the end of the day, we have each other. 

My Instagram #BestofNine in 2016

My Instagram #BestofNine in 2016

Work Life

The year of 2016 was somewhat of a whirlwind. I spent a full year at the same temporary job working in Human Resources. I ended the previous year working 2 part-time jobs after finishing my Bachelor's. Once I left retail in January 2016, I was solely part time at Delta, and eventually was placed full-time in March. When I began, I knew it was temporary, but there was possibility that I would land a permanent spot that would help me on my career path – I hoped it led me back to The Walt Disney Company. I grew in my role as a temp Administrative Assistant, advancing in skills and knowledge, moving up to an HR Specialist by July. I had some colleagues and my boss take me under their wings and became my mentors. By October of 2016, I started my Master's program in Organizational Leadership. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was settling. Unintentionally, my sights became set on being comfortable and having a stable "grown up" job to provide for our family. It was, in my mind, time to kind of let my creative and entrepreneurial spirit take a rest so that my husband could get a chance to have his creative freedom and break the burden of 24/7 commuting and never seeing him. He left Amazon in February and took on two design clients that still keep him busy; knowing that his mental and physical health are way better off I know that having a happy and healthy husband is better than one that is over worked, under paid, and not enjoying his life everyday. 

2016 started out fantastic in the sense that I started to fit some kind of mold that looking back, I made for myself. I was making grown up dollars and felt like this was something I could pursue for my entire life and be "okay." If you know me, you know I am not driven by money. I don't work for money. I work because I love what I do. Somehow along the way my goals took a back seat as I attempted to make waves and find my place at my current job. My temporary assignment was only supposed to be from Dec. 2015 - March 2016. It kept getting extended and the hope that there would be an opportunity for permanency was definitely prevalent, and continued to grow. I started to get comfortable and hold on to something that was only meant to be temporary. From the very beginning, I knew my job was temporary. Yet, eternal optimist that I am - I was holding out hope. It wasn't until November that I realized I was holding on to something that wasn't mine. There are some education codes that must be followed, and as a temporary employee, I cannot work more than 75% of the academic year... so in all honesty, my time is coming to an end. I won't even say timing was off, because I truly believe (it took a while to get that through my head) that my place is not to be permanent at the college. It's definitely not an easy thing to even sit here and write because let's be honest, I'm scared shitless.

What comes next? Well, I've had recruiters contact me in the last two months, I've had interviews. I've applied for jobs. I can't control anything outside of showing up and giving my best. What I can control is my response to the worst case scenario – not having a full time job outside the home and prepare for change. But is that really worst case? I mean, I have my health. I have my family. Jeff is still working. So, what will I fall back on? How will we really make ends meet? What if? How? Why?

And then, it hit me, like Glinda telling Dorothy – she had the power all along. Say whaaat?! LOL.

I already have the power.

What's my power? I already have a working set of skills that I continue to grow in everyday. I am already a business woman, entrepreneur and creative. I just set a lot of that aside so I could work full time at a job that gave me over a year of experience under my belt. I am grateful. The last year has been amazing, and I have made new friends that have taught me so much. It will not be easy to leave them, but I am really excited to get back to the magic that has been brewing within my heart the last few weeks.

We will be branching out How About Now Creative Co.'s brand management service into a separate business. Jeff will continue his design and photography work. My new venture I will include brand strategy and add business, leadership and lifestyle consulting as another component. I have a name that will be revealed soon, I've been working on the branding, business set up and strategy. I am taking necessary baby steps for everything to fall in to place as I am still working full time, but really they are huge leaps and bounds because in less than 90 days it will be our bread and butter. I will continue to blog here and partner with brands that fit for our family and readers. Additionally, we plan to travel more. Which is really exciting because I have yet to experience much of the world, and my dream and goal has always been to jet set with my hubby and kids.

What I lacked since first starting our business is sincere confidence in myself and listening to outside voices that wanted to put me into a box. Not to mention, because of those voices, I have put myself in a box. I was jaded along the way, experienced some heart ache with clients and some messes because I am not a financial guru - numbers have always scared me, and let's be real, sometimes I was self-sabotaging because I refused to charge my worth. I love people and I am in the business of seeing others thrive in their passion and crafts. That usually ended me in a hole financially or taken advantage of, often working way too many hours for minimum wage. And oh, don't forget the taxes. Gotta pay those. I have made a lot of mistakes, I have learned a lot of "what not to do" and I was not ready to get back up and try again. However, while I learned a lot in those first two years of business, ultimately it put me back into the 8-5 because I was not ready. This time I have a different perspective. This time, I am more than confident and I am honest with myself. I've dusted myself off and I am back at it again. I am going to be busy as hell as Mama, wife, student, full-time employee and entrepreneur. But – I love what I do. I love learning, helping brands, people and businesses. It is hard work, and I will be tired. There will be moments that I will want to give up, but I have chosen my path and I will keep moving forward. 

Jeff and I had a hot date in the final days of 2016. We went to see La-La-Land, starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. Oh my. It was phenomenal. I love musicals; Jeff doesn't. He loved it though, which makes me happy. I was inspired. I laughed. I cried. I was encouraged, and it seriously sealed the deal on how I would move forward with pursuing my dream and setting my goals. I love spoilers, mainly because I don't like surprises, it gives me anxiety. However, I won't spoil the film for you. I did link the trailer above.  Just go see it and be inspired. If you have a dream, it is worth your time. If you don't have a dream, you might be reminded of one that you let go. The music of the film has inspired me so much I already have a draft written for another post!

All that to say - My biggest reflections from 2016 was that irrespective of circumstances, I was able to learn, grow and soak up everything. This new year, I plan on doing my best but know I'll still make mistakes. I will keep learning from them, seeing growth, being successful, and seeing more of my family on a daily basis. I plan to receive the blessings and the trials of 2017 knowing that every experience is part of my journey. I am nervous about putting myself out there more. It's so much easier to coach someone and help them find their magic, and sometimes it's hard to see it within yourself. I call myself the Magic Maker, but at times I rarely take my own advice. I do give myself advice often, though. This is the year of consistency, follow through, and self-love. I cannot be true magic to others until I realize the magic within me. 

I encourage each of you to continue to dream, take steps towards those dreams and make some solid goals, buckle down and put in the time. It won't be easy, that much I can promise you.

But when you are working from the heart, everything seems to fall in to place.

I know that I will be able to help some of you with your goals through my new venture, too! I appreciate all of the support that I've gotten over the last two years, and I hope you continue to join me on my journey in the new year. I am excited to see my friends thrive, grow and experience new beginnings. I have some great vibes about 2017!

 

Realizing Why I Write and How I am Moving Forward

Thoughts, FamilyCamilleComment

I woke up from my sleep in tears. Literally. I had a dream full of emotion, it was bittersweet and I was cut to the core in the midst because, for some reason I was in my dream, KNOWING that I was only dreaming. I was being reunited with some of my dear Disney friends at a celebration of some sorts; we shed tears of happiness, caught up on moments missed and chatted about our different paths in life. I was so overwhelmed this morning as I wiped away what was left of the moments that never really happened. 

My brain runs like a motor that has a broken off switch.

I told myself, "Self, you better get up this morning and do some writing." I'm not sure what writing has to do with my emotional dream, but I do know that writing helps me to process everything that goes on in this crazy-beautiful, ADHD head of mine (wide eyed awake, or asleep). I've also noticed that since I've been on a writing hiatus, my brain feels like it might explode since I'm not releasing anything mentally. 

Hitting "publish" offers a different kind of satisfaction and solace than just having a verbal conversation. I don't have a huge audience of readers here, so for me, this entire process has been about a release. Believe me, I LOVE to talk. However, I tend to convey my thoughts better through written form. I write about things that are important to me (family, fun, life), and I also have sponsored content that I create for brands. I'm blessed with the opportunities that I do have, but at the end of the day, this space is still for me and anyone else that is seeking to find some magic in their lives.

My world outside of Sparks of Magic is very R E A L.

I know that life is not perfect, but I choose to be positive about most of it, which includes my writing and my visual imagery for my blog and social spaces. I like pretty things but I have a messy house more often than not. I can't stop my kids from loving crappy junk food or wearing mismatch socks. They also tend to be angels in public and I have no idea where I get them from when they are at home. My husband and I are seriously best friends but you also should know that we drive each other crazy (which is where we got our crazy kids).

I live a daily battle with anxiety and depression that I don't usually talk about outside of my immediate family and close circle of friends. I love people. I love connecting with others. I work full time in human resources and at times find that I take on the emotional stresses of colleagues and students on campus. Sometimes I just can't help it because I care. I cry in my office with students and new hires that are trying to survive working to support their families, I celebrate with them when they are getting their first job or retiring from years of service. I cry all the time. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Elated. Mad. Confused. It's just what happens. If only I shed water weight like I shed tears.

There is this perception that bloggers have a picture perfect life.

I will never attest to that, and the bloggers that I know will be the first to tell you that is not true. Perhaps you're reading the wrong blogs if that is the expectation. We tend to joke about being "Martha Stewart" in the kitchen as the epitome of the perfectly marketed domestic lifestyle. No. That is her BRAND. Real Life is meant to be lived. Life is messy. Life is hard and most of us work our asses off to get where we are. I might not have buckets of money pouring in from my sporadic content, but do you know what I do have? Enough. The universe takes care of me and my family, and things come along when they do, WHEN they are meant to happen. 

There is A LOT of hard work to put into having a successful blog, and I give MAD PROPS to my peeps that are doing it SO WELL. (I am going to need to compile a list of some of the diamonds in the blogging game, people that are raw, real, and some of the best). I just don't have the same desire or time to put into growing my blog; I had to come to that realization and not beat myself up over it. Over the course of past the year, and during my hiatus I really wanted to understand myself, set some goals for my life, and figure out why I couldn't seem to stick to the consistency needed to build my Sparks brand the way that I can totally envision. Then, it hit me.

B E I N G a "full-time blogger" is not my calling, and I am realizing it is not my desire.

Let it be known, if you don't know me already, my career passion lies in working for a brand that has existed for decades. If you remember the early stages of Sparks of Magic, it began as a Disney-focused blog. It was a means to an end. It gave me comfort to write about the magic I experienced, and long to have back, when I worked for The Walt Disney Company. I truly believe that Disney is my destiny. I put it out in the universe years ago, and my journey keeps moving in that direction. No matter where I am job-wise, since leaving Disney, it has always been my goal/dream/destiny to go back. I worked hard to finish my Bachelors Degree last year and am studying for my GMAT to apply for my MBA program. There have been times that I've wanted to give up, mainly because a career with Disney includes a 300 mile relocation for my family of seven, not to mention a much higher cost of living; then, I look at my kids.

Kids don’t do as we say, they do as we do.

I've grown up with a passion and drive to follow my heart. I work 24-7 for myself and my family and I don't ever want to be in a place where I am settling. I pursue my goals and take necessary steps towards achieving them for myself, but also for my kids. What better role model would they have than one that birthed them, loves and cares for them, and will always be here to support them?  My husband and I parent in a very transparent way, our kids might "know too much" for a lot of people's standards and opinions, but we are gearing them up to live a very real life for themselves. We can't keep them bubbled up and they need to know that you succeed when you give it your all, and then some. They also need to understand that success is different for everyone. They also need to understand that mistakes and failure are part of the journey. Determination and working through failures and mistakes towards our goals gives us learning experiences that we wouldn't have any other way.

All that to say?

I guess I no longer feel like I need to be something that I am not meant to be.

Granted, in just 2 years time, I have been able to do some really awesome things with Sparks of Magic. If I compare my success to another blogger's or my journey to another person's, it is easy to say I haven't achieved much. Sometimes I forget how far I have come in a short amount of time. I can't forget that, and I am encouraging each of you to remember where you started, where you are and where you are heading.

Today, I am working on propelling myself to where I know I belong. My blog will continue to serve a purpose, and it might not fully support us financially, but it does help. It might not be the top blog in any specific category, I may never win any awards, but you know what? That's okay. I am choosing to move forward and focus on what my blog IS: It is a place that spreads magic, big and small, to anyone that stops by. Sometimes I feel it helps me more, but I love to inspire, and sometimes we CAN inspire ourselves. I will continue to write here and share the awesome and not so awesome things that I face, like sassy teenagers, fun-filled family trips, thoughts on real-life situations, dreams and aspirations, and obviously a whole lot of pixie dust. I also will continue to write for brands that have values that align with mine.

For whatever reason, I am now realizing that I just have a different mindset. I guess that's what it comes down to, my perspective. I feel like I needed to express the justification for not being as consistent as I would like. I still can't pinpoint what my dream has to do with this, aside from being inspired as my friends continue to inspire me hundreds of miles away, to just keep writing. Kinda like Dory. So, I think you'll be seeing "me" more with this new mindset. Hey now, two blog posts in a week. See, progress already. :) Thanks for hearing my heart.